Jann's Bachelorette

Jann Arden  0:00  
Music, hello. Welcome to the Jann Arden podcast and show. I am here with Sarah Burke Caitlin green. They are in their Toronto homes. I am in my spring bank, Alberta home. A bear was here last night. And I know I talk about my bird feeder a lot, but this time, when I came out there, I gasped. I

Caitlin Green  0:22  
gasped, you just told me that I'm here in my condo, it was

Jann Arden  0:25  
ripped off and in small pieces, the bird feeder. Yeah, not my, not our camera one, our camera one was hanging by a thread. Okay, I got it back up, Sarah, you should have seen me doing the the strap and trying to get everything back up, and it's it's still going, jeez, that little mother effer, the big, giant, wooden one. You guys have seen me take pictures of it, if you're following me on socials or Patreon. Splinters yesterday, this is my fault. I had fed the bird. I put a little extra in and I tried something different. I gave them some sunflower seeds. Well, apparently the sunflower seeds have triggered a frenzy. I think I poured bare fentanyl in my bird feeder.

Caitlin Green  1:10  
Just bodies lying around the bird feeder. It

Jann Arden  1:12  
was just like the guy said, yeah, they're blue jays really like the you might want to try those. It's a little cheaper. I'm thinking, okay, cool. I'll try these. Mother God, it just is in pieces. So I've got most of it already kind of stacked. I'm looking over my shoulder, and I'm going to be burning the bird feeder, so I'm sorry to the people that gave it to me. That's all the time we have on the show today. That's it. And anyway, let's just jump right in. P Diddy, what a dick, and he is in trouble. Caitlin, go

Caitlin Green  1:42  
okay. I have fallen down a conspiratorial rabbit hole surrounding these the ditty filing where he was he's being held in prison. He was not released on bail because they're concerned about intimidation of witnesses. This man is very powerful. He's very well connected. How long do we think until he says he's like, sick in jail, he's on suicide watch the celebrity male urge to be called in to court for things that you've done wrong and behaviors that you have rightfully like done on your own, to come in with like a cane a La Harvey Weinstein, or to be like, Oh, my cataract, they

Jann Arden  2:22  
don't think they're wrong. It's a legal play. They

Caitlin Green  2:26  
also do, in addition to trying to deny any sort of responsibility, where they just think, if I can play the weak old man card, maybe I will get her to jail free and absolute girl, absolutely not. We saw, and by we, I mean me. I'm not sure if you guys did, but we've all seen the video of him dragging Cassie down the hallway of a hotel by her hair. I am sorry. You are a piece of human garbage. Bury your ass under the jail. And the allegations being made against him for these quote, unquote, freak offs at his parties are so dark. It is so, so dark, and his personal security guard, and obviously Cassie herself, like a true, truly a hero, because she did so many people a service by coming out and speaking out against him. But the audio they have, the things that they've been saying, and now the concerns over, what will the powerful elite of the world do to keep him silenced? I think he's gonna get Epstein. That's what I think like die in prison, like, not necessarily by his own hand.

Jann Arden  3:26  
Well, when I heard suicide watch, I didn't feel sorry for him for one second, not one millisecond, but these freak offs. And I just want to expand on that a bit. So what he's been doing, according to the charges that were laid out this past week is hiring sex workers. I don't know if they volunteered to be hired to make money, but he kept them high on ketamine, like different kinds of drugs. So there's all kinds of drugs charges involved, like kidnapping, reckless endangerment, like, the list is really long, but he makes these people literally forces them to have crazy sex in front of him or a group of people, it's going to be so interesting to see who was involved in sitting there with their fucking popcorn and a cold beer to watch or participating.

Caitlin Green  4:19  
Because the thing is, a lot of people have on the internet again. And I'm saying this because, like, this is the conspiracy, like, to a certain extent, the tinfoil hat side of what people believe about Hollywood. So how much of this is or isn't true, the courts will decide. But he was the legal guardian of Usher when Usher was very, very young. And I think, much like many powerful figures in Hollywood and in the music industry, they kind of glamor people's parents sometimes into believing that, you know, like, I have your kids best interest at heart. I And the parents, maybe they want the money, they want proximity to power themselves, and so they hand that over. But like, what did Usher see? And then Usher becomes the tie for Diddy. To Justin Bieber. And Justin Bieber has talked about, without naming names or getting into specifics, but about the dark side of Hollywood and how negatively fame impacted him at such a young age. And people have unearthed these old videos of Justin Bieber looking really uncomfortable around Diddy when he did he's like, How come you don't party with me anymore? And now we all know what party with Diddy could mean,

Jann Arden  5:20  
so you're exposed to, allegedly, you know, he could have been, been exposed to all kinds of really crappy stuff.

Sarah Burke  5:29  
There's a Zane Lowe interview from Apple too, with Bieber talking about, like, without mentioning, which is really interesting, if you want to go back to

Caitlin Green  5:38  
it. I love Zane Lowe's interviews. Yeah, it's, it's wild. I mean, Diddy has been notorious for these parties for years, and the upper upper echelon of society fight to go and I think at the very least, you can safely assume that there's a lot of sex and a lot of drugs going on at these parties, and as a result, he has leverage over people, and that's what they've been saying about his role in Hollywood for a long time has been in kind of this mafiosa figure, where he would have people who worked on his personal IT team, and they claimed that they would install cameras in the house, all throughout the house, and that he would hire, sometimes, very often, male sex workers to apply, oh God, male hip hop artists with drugs and alcohol and then so crazy, take them to a room, and they would have some sort of sexual contact, and then he would blackmail them with the footage that he had because he had installed a camera system throughout every corner of his house. Jesus, it's so it's so dark. So I will be watching this trial like a hawk. It

Jann Arden  6:36  
just gets worse and worse, the fact that he's just in a really, really terrible remand Center, which is basically, you know, a prison before you get to prison. But apparently it's just horrible conditions, like they have him segregated, obviously, from the rest of the people, but he's just, you've got to understand what happens to a guy that's a narcissist, you know, has so much power, has wielded it for decades, so much money, so much privilege, and he's sitting in there and has to shit basically in a hole, is served whatever gruel on a steel tray through a door. It does not, I don't know how much time that they get to go outside and walk around, but it's pretty extreme circumstances that they're holding him under because they don't want him knifed, they don't want him killed, or they want to keep him alive for this, but he's going to have the money, all the money in the world, yep, just to to try and fight these charges. But yeah, we're

Caitlin Green  7:40  
already saying, Oh, just because it was a just because he had a alternative lifestyle, doesn't mean that he was conducting himself criminally. That's obviously the case that his lawyers are trying to make. And I do think that'll sort of be what they try to hang their hat on. Is that a degree of this being all about what happened between consenting adults, but you just look at that footage of Cassie in the hotel hallway, and you tell me what you think this guy's capable of, because I think it's dark stuff.

Jann Arden  8:03  
Well, I'm hoping people come forward, and normally wouldn't they have the prosecutors have an extraordinary giant pile of information to go and lay these charges to be able to arrest him and keep him and because, like, if they didn't, a lawyer, a fancy lawyer, would be in there. Let my client go. He can be he can have a ankle bracelet on and stay in his own home until you guys sort this out. But I feel like they have a mountain of stuff. So hopefully a lot of people have come forward and like you said, Caitlin, that Hollywood angle, who has he been pressuring and elbowing a little bit in the corners to go you do this for me, or this is going to come out, or this footage of you, let's hope that Prince, Prince Andrew's not involved, because he can't take any more of this stuff. He

Caitlin Green  8:42  
just Andrew, my guy, that guy, Randy Andy, and what's going

Jann Arden  8:46  
on with Kennedy? What's going on with Robert Kennedy? I know nothing of this. You're like, and another scandal with Robert Kennedy. So these

Caitlin Green  8:52  
were the two sort of big trending scandals this week. So Robert F Kennedy, Jr, the one who thought that he was going to run for president and then fell out because he just was never going to have a shot at it. And then started endorsing Trump. He has become this kind of poster child for zany out there, also conspiracy theories. And so he was being profiled by a writer, and her name is Olivia Nuzzi, and she kind of became reviled, I think, by like, she was just stuck up in the lot of the Trump political discourse for many years. So she's has her own presence online, and she was doing a profile on him. This is a woman who kind of, like, kind of made fun of him a lot, and her the way she described him in some of her writing, was really not favorable. Turns out, they were having an affair, and she allegedly started sending him nude photos of herself and RFK Jr's married to Cheryl Hines, who you might know from Kirby enthusiasm, and it's been kind of embarrassing for her to be attached to this guy. But I do think the two of them perhaps got together under the guise of maybe an affair, and so now. He's what 70 or 70 something. And Olivia Nuzzi is, I believe, you know, 38 or something like that. So he's essentially old enough to, like, kind of be like grandpa, adjacent age at the very least, a very old uncle. And she was engaged to someone else who was much older. I'd say she was engaged to somebody who seemed like old enough to maybe be her dad, and now she's veered into grandpa territory for her affair, and so the internet's having a lot of fun with that one. And it's bizarre because it's the same week that someone dug up this old interview that one of Robert F Kennedy's daughters did about how he and she's telling this to Town and Country magazine, I believe, or something, some kind of magazine like that.

Sarah Burke  10:39  
Know your audience, oh, my God. And she says, Oh, well,

Caitlin Green  10:43  
my dad back in the day. And this just the kind of thing he did when we were kids. He got an alert that a whale had beached itself near our home in like Nantucket or Maine or something, and he went out there and decapitated the whale's like corpse and attached the head to the roof of their car, and they drove home with the head of this beached whale on their car. And every time he hit the brakes or would accelerate like whale innards would fly out all over the car. I don't mean to laugh, because it's the most gruesome thing I could imagine, but like, this man's not well, and I don't know why his daughter would lie about that. And this interview happened years before he was the public figure that he is now. So he's trying to say this is all a takedown, but in one week, his affair has come out, and then this story starts circulating about him decapitating a will. And I don't even know how you do that.

Jann Arden  11:36  
It's so disrespectful. It's just disres. It's just disrespectful to any living or dead creature to do that. But I'm sorry. Now we have Trumpy trumperson, but you think about the ludicrous things he says, and does I know, and you know, like you said, the whole idea of someone being mentally unfit to even be running for president. Never mind be president. I know there's, there's still a chance that Trump could very well be the President of the United States. And that frightens me to no end. But we're not going to spend any more time. It's flat out

Caitlin Green  12:15  
5050 I'll say that it certainly seems 5050 it

Jann Arden  12:17  
is 5050 I don't like the odds. I don't like the odds. No,

Caitlin Green  12:21  
no, but I do. I remember because so I, because I studied media in university and even in high school, and it was just like, kind of what I was drawn towards. And I'm not sure if you guys ever remember the work of Marshall McLuhan,

Sarah Burke  12:33  
the medium is the message, baby, exactly, and

Caitlin Green  12:37  
what he and, you know, and media writers and commentators and sort of like, almost like philosophers like him would say, was that when television came along, it was going to change everything and make it so that politics became a celebrity game. And that's exactly what's happened. Like it took a minute, but like, here we are. It did happen that way. And so now the next forefront of that is obviously going to be social media, and it's all kind of going to come together in this big Frankenstein moment, and we're living it. But yeah, the whales had decapitating and the affair and the ditty, and I just, I really, I had to take a break at some point this week and step away from it, because I just felt that the mental health crisis is running rampant through famous people.

Sarah Burke  13:22  
Caitlin was like, well, we're going to the park. Yeah, I'm

Caitlin Green  13:24  
going to the park. We're going to the park. Well, we're going to go in the swings. I need to center myself in a world that is a little bit more wholesome. Fame

Jann Arden  13:31  
has teeth and power is obviously something that's very seductive. It's like these people are being, you know, lured onto the rocks by some beautiful siren that is speaking the words of you will have everything, eternal, youth, money, you can do whatever you want in the world, and then they're just falling apart. They're just literally falling apart. And speaking of falling apart, there's a bride who's very upset right now in the world after her plans for a Disney World bachelorette party went very wrong. None, zero, nada. Of her seven bridesmaids, babes, or whatever they're called, went so what happened? Caitlin, they

Caitlin Green  14:15  
said, nay, like your hat, Jan. They said, We don't have the money we we can't afford this because Disney World's so expensive. The expectation

Sarah Burke  14:22  
to go to Disney World for a bachelorette is ridiculous. From the top. Can

Caitlin Green  14:29  
you imagine if someone said to you, let's let's go off and have the time of our lives with Mickey Mouse to the tune of five to $7,000 which is what it probably would cost if you were gonna go there for three or four days,

Jann Arden  14:41  
I'd rather stay home and braise cabbage and literally watch the new Ellen DeGeneres comedy stand up special than go to Disneyland. And I'll tell you what, when I went, what? A month ago, there was myriad bridal parties. No,

Caitlin Green  14:56  
really, yes, it's a thing, a whole thing.

Jann Arden  14:58  
We saw. I'm going to say at least a dozen with the sashes waiting in the lineups with their drinks, like just being being young women in their 20s getting married, they have no idea what's ahead of them. I think if I had a bride that wanted to go to Disneyland for their bachelorette party, I would be concerned. I would probably call off the wedding myself, and I love Disneyland. Don't get me long, but I don't. I wouldn't. I would never even want a bachelorette party. I think they're ludicrous. But see, that's me just being an old curmudgeon. And you know what I

Sarah Burke  15:31  
was thinking, Should we be treating our live event coming up as Jan's bachelorette Oh, my God,

Caitlin Green  15:39  
penis straws against her will? Well, no, no, no,

Sarah Burke  15:42  
I don't think we need penis straws that

Jann Arden  15:43  
wouldn't be against my will.

Sarah Burke  15:45  
The idea of celebrating, celebrating, you know, something big and like, you know, single gals who aren't gonna get married or have no interest in getting married, and maybe Jan and I are both those people right now could change. But right now I think we're both could change. Anything could happen. TBD, yeah, but I feel like, you know maybe, and asking Jan to come to Toronto instead of Disneyland is a lot more affordable. Least. I

Caitlin Green  16:08  
have a place to stay. I know you have your own place. You don't have to pay for that. Do

Jann Arden  16:12  
we feel bad for her? Do we feel bad for the bride? Yes, yeah, I

Caitlin Green  16:17  
feel bad for her, but not about this.

Sarah Burke  16:20  
Okay, like she should know, she should know before asking. I

Caitlin Green  16:24  
feel bad for her in like, a spiritual way, like I just like, don't want this for you. I don't want you to celebrate your your wedding and your your end of single days with your girlfriends adjacent to Mickey Mouse while you're being price gouged at every turn. Like this. Just you're, you're, you're like, I want to go to the happiest place on earth. Like, I that's just not for me. Culturally devoid, in my opinion.

Jann Arden  16:47  
Did you have a bachelorette party?

Caitlin Green  16:48  
I certainly did. What did you do?

Sarah Burke  16:50  
I was literally gonna go there today. Yeah. Okay, tell us

Caitlin Green  16:53  
everything. Yeah. We went to Montreal.

Sarah Burke  16:56  
As as you do. Does everyone fund their own way? Like,

Caitlin Green  16:59  
Yes, everyone funds their own way, but I think I paid for a dinner, but then they also all paid for a dinner. Yeah. So as a bit of that, and again, I will say I am not disappointed. Like, I also had a very, like, I had a very difficult to get to destination wedding, but I full chest, did not care if anyone didn't come. I had some of my closest friends say that they weren't able to come. And I was like, I love you. I totally get it if I am there alone with Kyle, that is just my journey. Where

Sarah Burke  17:26  
did you get married?

Caitlin Green  17:27  
We got married in Italy, like in Tuscany. So it was like, prohibitively, you know, you know, if you're not down to take a trip to Italy, if you yourself, and this is how I positioned it. I said, if you yourself, don't get this like, don't open this invitation and say, You know what? I really wanted to go to Italy. Anyway, this is great idea. If you open it go, God damn it, then please don't come. Like you don't have to come. I don't care, like, we'll just have fun in Toronto. So we went to Montreal, though, for my bachelorette, and we went for two nights. We partied it up. Some people flew there, some people drove. Some people took the train. Some people came for only one night, choose your own adventure. Very DIY, and I don't have a whole ton of activities planned, but I did say, like, one night we're going to a strip club. And like, both nights were drinking. So like, for me, that was what I was, those were the only things, yeah, you don't have to drink. Like, I

Sarah Burke  18:13  
I'm reliving last year already right now. And I

Caitlin Green  18:17  
just said, don't like, if you want to, like, when the days came, everyone was like, We should do this, or do, like, a tour of the Old Port. And I was like, no, like, my hungover ass is gonna be on a patio having a Caesar. And like, if you guys want to go shopping, do that, or if you want to go on a tour, do that. Like, really, your only obligation to me is like, Come with me if you would like to during the day. And if you don't want to do your own thing, it's Montreal for you to see if you want to go eat bagels. Like, I love that for you, but this is when we're going to meet for dinner, and then that's

Jann Arden  18:41  
it. How many people?

Caitlin Green  18:44  
I don't know, I want to say, like, 20. Oh, Jesus also too. Like, this was the age where, like, I think I was one of the earlier weddings in our group of friends. So like, people were still down to clown a bit. Like, they were, like, excited about this stuff. And like, let's all go and drink and party. You know, by the 10th it's wearing off, the funds wearing off, and you adjust your expectations a bit. There were more cottages later on in our like, bachelorette stories, yes. But like, we had some in Vegas that were amazing. Like, it was really just so long as there wasn't this, like, pointed stick at the end of the offer being like, you better be there are friendships gonna suffer, like that. I don't like that. I don't like

Jann Arden  19:20  
listen, whenever I've been to Vegas, this is another place. So tons of bachelorettes at Disneyland. But anytime I've been to Vegas, and that's over the last 20 years, there is so many bachelorette parties. Oh yeah. I mean, they get a little they get kind of wild. I would say that the Vegas ones that I've seen Disneyland, I did not see any, any bride to be with a vibrating dildo hanging around her neck, like, literally moving like a one of those rabbit things moving around her neck. I didn't see any of that, but in Vegas, you just see, I remember seeing Chris, calls him the Megan wagons, any, any kind of bachelorette people. But there was literally, like, five or. Six bridesmaids, the woman with the sash a penis crown, and then they all had strap ons. They were all walking through the casino with strap on dildos, like wearing them, wearing them over their skirts and outfits. Drunk as you like, drinking out of legs. And I'm like, oh, it's

Caitlin Green  20:18  
kind of not very chic.

Jann Arden  20:19  
Good heavens ordering

Sarah Burke  20:20  
them for the event right now. Yeah, joking,

Jann Arden  20:27  
if we buy in bulk.

And further to that, there's people grown ass men going up to them and getting their pictures taken with these six drunk about to be wedded girl. That's just not I would Montreal sounds much more kind of visiting and hanging out and still kind of fun and still having fun

Caitlin Green  20:54  
drinks. Montreal's a fun city, like I remember going there on like the like the underage like tour Quebec, like French immersion or French trips that you would go on in high school. And you know, all my friends that went to McGill, like, it's a party town. And so people really, like, they do go there and they go for it. I had said, I don't want, like, a themed shirt. I've been to a lot of themed shirt bachelorettes. It's not for me. I was like, everyone just like, why would you wear? Pick a cute outfit, maybe even buy a cute outfit and then put a big T shirt over it, like, I don't so, but I said, so. I said, I didn't want that. But then my maid of honor, who was like a creative genius, she made perfect I can't I feel like I'm gonna try to show you for everyone on YouTube, she made perfect face masks of my face, and then everyone wore them. Oh, my God, that's funny. I told him, You like, I was again, like, you don't have to do this, but we there was like, so there was like, a crew of like 20 girls wearing my mask. That would be like, walking down the street and then would like, go into a bar.

Sarah Burke  21:51  
They can also be let go of at a certain point of the night. It's not like with you for the entire thing, and it's fun. I also love

Caitlin Green  21:56  
the idea that at one point we're on the dance floor and everyone's ripped their mask off, and there's, like, the dance floors, like, littered with 20 of my faces. It was just like, it felt funny. So I like stuff that's kind of more on the funny side of things. I will say the strip club, which was really good. It was very magic. Mike adjacent, like, they really put effort into their routines. There was one scene where a guy was on stage and he was in like, a big bubble bath, and like, the bubbles poured out from the ceiling. And it was, like, it was, they were going for it. But I invited a male friend of mine, he's gay, to come, and he lives in Montreal, and so he came this night to meet all my girlfriends. And we're at the, we're at the at the strip club, and he was sat with us, and we were getting bottle service, so we're kind of close to the stage, and they discriminated against him, and they said, like, first he was there with us for a while, then they were like, can you they were like, can you move away from the stage? Like, as if he was, like, gonna, like, do something to the dancers. I was like, Do you really think a gay man can't control himself in a strip club? Like, give me a break. And then they told him to go sit in a different section where the lights weren't on. And so then I became irate, and I'd also been drinking. So then we all stormed out, and we had just gotten fresh bottle service that had come over to our table. And I was like, You will not discriminate against my friend in this way, like we are out of here. And then all my girlfriends were like, but we just got more bottles of vodka. And so they poured them all into the carafe that the juice came in and put the saran wrap over like a straight thing of vodka with a big straw. And they were like, we're out of here.

Unknown Speaker  23:21  
Save the vodka. Yeah,

Caitlin Green  23:22  
save the vodka. And we know what I

Sarah Burke  23:24  
like about this story of your bachelorette, you as the bride, being like a choose your own adventure. I know I said that before, but like the idea that you're not going to be upset if someone wants to go sightseeing or if or if someone wants to handle any part of the day differently. You don't want to wear the mask. You don't want to wear them a mask. It's your time. Like I'm just thinking about, okay, my sister's bachelorette

Jann Arden  23:48  
folks. I don't know how we got talking about this, but here we are.

Sarah Burke  23:50  
We're on a bachelorette train right now,

Caitlin Green  23:53  
yeah, Megan wagon.

Sarah Burke  23:54  
We're in Collingwood at a, like, an Airbnb, which is a beautiful, really big house, I feel like, because, Caitlyn, you missed a lot of this last year. You did. You haven't heard me say that. Oh,

Jann Arden  24:06  
Caitlyn, I missed it. What this poor woman endured it

Sarah Burke  24:10  
was, there was an Excel spreadsheet.

Jann Arden  24:13  
We had a soap opera going on. Okay? There was an

Sarah Burke  24:15  
Excel spreadsheet that I was sent before the weekend of the Airbnb, which might I add, I paid for on my credit card because i That was the only thing I did to contribute to anything. That's a lot. Sarah, well, I got paid back by everyone after, but that was my job,

Jann Arden  24:30  
okay, but you had to find it. And fucking, you know,

Sarah Burke  24:33  
my sister is a type A, so she found it, and I just clicked purchase. That's literally what we were dealing with. But

Jann Arden  24:38  
I take it all

Sarah Burke  24:40  
back. So I received a spreadsheet that showed where everyone was sleeping for each night, and knowing that I just told you, the Airbnb was on my credit card, I was in a children's bunk bed in the basement while all these other women had like, beautiful queen and king size beds to themselves. Okay, so that's the first thing I okay when you walk in there. Were door, like, placements that had your name on the door. So, like, if you tried to go to another room, you were gonna get told, like it was labeled. And then when we were leaving on the Saturday for, like, a bunch of activities for the day, which I don't think you would have liked, a bunch of activities planned, the organizer, the fascist leader, said, we're leaving the Airbnb for the entire day. Make sure you have everything with you. And There ended up being like a break between activities, and it was raining, and not the best weather for walking around. So at one point, a few of us were gonna go back to the Airbnb. I actually got threatened. Did you not hear I said we were leaving the Airbnb for the entire day?

Caitlin Green  25:37  
Okay? Stalin, relax. I

Unknown Speaker  25:39  
was like. I was

Sarah Burke  25:40  
like, I was like, Do you mean the Airbnb that's on my credit card is that the one you're referring to with the door code that I have and anyone who needs it? This is where it's like, if you do want to go and do something on your own, but you're still participating in all the bridal activities, what the hell's your problem? I agree.

Caitlin Green  25:55  
And this is where it comes into play that like, I'm not a joiner and I don't like summer camp and I don't like being told what to do. So I apply that to everyone else, because I'm like, I don't want that. That sounds terrible. I want to go to Jan's Bachelorette. Because Jan, if you got married tomorrow and I forced you to have a Bachelorette, what would it

Sarah Burke  26:10  
what would we be doing? Yes, what a great question.

Jann Arden  26:15  
There'd be eight people, so small, there would be a motor home, a really nice, big, long motorhome I would be driving. So something posh, something that easily sleeps eight, like the kitchen table comes down. There's, there's a nice double bed above where the driver is, there's, there's room. We are stocked with snacks and a blender for, like, icy Margarita drinks I won't drink, which is why I'm driving. But you guys can do whatever. Um, there's going to be whole bunch of card games. We're going to, we're going to stop at campsites. It's going to be a three night extravaganza. Okay, we're going to drive in the summertime through the Rocky Mountains. Oh, we're going to stop. We're going to we're going to make reservations at campgrounds, uh, fire bands permitting. We're going to have nice campfires. We're going to sit around. I'm going to bring a guitar, whatever we're going to we're going to tell stories. We're going to make s'mores and marshmallows and vegan marshmallows and vegan, vegan wiener hot dogs, and we're just going to sit we're going to talk, and we're going to play a bunch of games where we tie like a ball in a nylon between our legs, and like, knock over plastic Solo cups. Love this. We are going to wash our hair in like the river. We're gonna stop at a place and, like, all get showered in like a truck stop. We're gonna go in with our towel under arms.

Sarah Burke  27:35  
Do we really need to shower though? Campsite? We

Jann Arden  27:38  
kind of do okay. Okay. And then for the final night, this is what we're going to do. We're going to go to a Value Village or a thrift store. We're going to pick out you got to draw a name out of a hat, and we got to find an outfit for that person, for each person. So if I draw Caitlin, I have to buy a Value Village thrift store outfit, like shoes, fucking jeans, everything. And there's, I mean, whatever you want to spend if you got 80 bucks, and they're there to try it on. Yeah, they need to try it on. But they don't get to decide I don't like this. That's my favorite part of the whole trip so far. Now we've got our outfits, and now we're gonna go to like, a pretty nice restaurant. We're gonna park this freaking thing somewhere the last night, on a Saturday night, Sunday night, we're gonna go to a really nice girls come

Sarah Burke  28:25  
out of a motorhome at a nice restaurant. I'm obsessed.

Jann Arden  28:29  
We're gonna come out of a motorhome. We're not gonna be wearing penises or anything of the freaking sort. We're gonna have a little makeup on, and we're gonna go have a nice meal. And I am gonna buy the meal. I'm gonna buy because I've already forced people to have a Value Village outfit, and that's going to be our night. Then we're going to drive home, and you're going to pick up your car in my driveway and go to the airport, but we're just going to have a camping but we're going to sleep inside. We're going to sleep inside of the motorhome. That's it. So

Caitlin Green  28:57  
you respect walls, you respect my need for walls, which I like, and then everything else. Okay, so, so to recap, Jan's bachelorette is a maximum of eight people in a motor home, but there's ample room. I did take notes, but there's ample room. It's driven by Jan. There's lots of snacks, and there are blender drinks, Virgin and non virgin alike. We're going to play card games, ideally through the Rocky Mountains and Weather permitting and firebands permitting will have campfire stories, songs, vegan wieners and marshmallows, and this will all culminate in the Value Village stylist mission, which is then followed by dinner at a nice restaurant. It's the dream that sounds great, the fact that Jan just brought this up like off the top of her head, like, that's art,

Sarah Burke  29:39  
clearly. So listen when we go on tour with the podcast. Oh yeah, I'm just taking a page from Alex Cooper's book. I mean, she did her bachelorette on tour. Let's do, let's do Jan's.

Jann Arden  29:50  
I think it'd be super fun. And I just like the idea of eight people, just because it would be, I don't, I don't know a ton of people. I don't have, like, a ton of really, really. Those friends. I mean, I would, I would definitely take you guys gonna say, are we? Teresa, Lisa and Bev? Well,

Caitlin Green  30:05  
now I have to take your asses.

Jann Arden  30:06  
Oh no, we're all we're all together. There's not a ton of us. There might even just be six of us. There might be you guys. Lisa, Bev, Teresa, me and off we freaking go. What

Caitlin Green  30:18  
about Chris? Because he's the tour manager. Chris would end it all.

Jann Arden  30:23  
Chris would tour managers for sure. He would, I would probably give it to him to organize, like, Can you rent the motor home and stuff? But I have neighbors that are always offering me their more. Hey, if you ever want to use the stretch limo, my neighbors down the road have a giant Quonset. They have a double decker bus in their driveway. They have a stretch like, I mean, the white thing from 1988 that has the crystal carafes of scotch whiskey, rye, gin, like, actually filled in there. Yeah, I can get one of my sons to drive you. I should take her up on that. Next time you guys are here, we'll go, Hey, Teresa, can I take you up on your stretch limo and go to some wacko place? Does

Caitlin Green  31:05  
Teresa have the Quonset? Teresa is

Jann Arden  31:07  
my first neighbor on the road that has the Quonset. We gotta get Caitlin out here. Okay, we gotta get her out here.

Caitlin Green  31:12  
It's a whole world I'm completely unfamiliar with. I've never seen a Quonset.

Jann Arden  31:17  
It's a big steel building. We've we've talked about this before. We named a nice about the pickleball. I know I played pickleball, pickleball

Caitlin Green  31:23  
title of up,

Jann Arden  31:25  
and I kept having to, like, crawl beneath a tractor to get my perforated pickleball out.

Caitlin Green  31:34  
See, I'm a city slicker, so, like, I've been to a warehouse rave at like, 4am but I have not been to a Quonset

Jann Arden  31:41  
I went to a wild party at that Quonset, she's always invited me. One of her kids is always getting married, and she invites me down there, but there's, there's a whole level up top that's an entire home. And I think her son, his wife and one of her grandkids, is living up there, but they have a tennis court out back. They're the greatest, cute. I love so helpful. Every Christmas I have a giant bag of peanut brittle hanging on my gate, and I could just kill her because I eat the whole thing. I

Caitlin Green  32:09  
love Teresa.

Jann Arden  32:10  
I don't even know her, and she's so sweet on the card always says, I don't know if it's vegan, it's got baking soda in it, and there's just a dash of cream. And I'm like, I will eat that dash of cream.

Caitlin Green  32:22  
Don't worry, Teresa, you've done your best

Jann Arden  32:26  
anyway. Well, I'm glad that you guys are going to come to my batch thread. And you know what? I could still just marry the Lord. Like, I don't have to marry a person, yeah,

Caitlin Green  32:34  
and whoever that Lord may be, it Buddha or whoever.

Speaker 1  32:42  
Oh, speaking

Sarah Burke  32:48  
of bachelorette we gotta do some games. We gotta do some games at our live event. And not to say they have to be bachelorette games, but I already got a brainstorm going.

Caitlin Green  32:57  
Oh, you did. I hadn't thought of any. I was just gonna say, do we want to give

Sarah Burke  33:01  
it away? Oh, okay. I can keep it to myself. We can leave it for Patreon. Whatever you want. I think we should leave it for Patreon. Okay, okay, okay, so come on over to Patreon after the episode to hear more about that zipping

Jann Arden  33:12  
stuff like that. Is this the one thing that I do have Chris working on, and I'm going to tell it to everybody who's listening, all our wonderful, beautiful listeners. And we do have a patreon. You can sign up. You can go to our show notes. There's a link you can click on. Five bucks a month, you get all kinds of fun things, lots of little nips and clips and pictures. I don't know what a nip and a clip is. You'll

Caitlin Green  33:33  
just have to find everything.

Jann Arden  33:34  
It's all there. Like Chris and I, we are probably gonna have Drum roll, please.

Unknown Speaker  33:41  
Oh, wait, wait. I have a sound. If

Sarah Burke  33:42  
I please hold let me get it.

Jann Arden  33:44  
We are gonna have a pinata. That

Sarah Burke  33:52  
is not what I thought you were gonna

Jann Arden  33:53  
Yeah, we are having a pinata. Chris is working on it. And can it

Caitlin Green  33:57  
be shaped like you and it's a Janata? Well, it can

Jann Arden  34:00  
be a granade. Maybe I can paint a face on there, but it's going to be filled with all kinds of candies, and, like, lots of candies, but we're going to have a little draw. So I thought at some point, I haven't talked to you girls about this yet, but we're going to do like, a quick Q and A before we start the podcast. Yeah, I just thought we could do that off camera, or we could do it on camera and have it all recorded, but like eight lucky winners will get to have a chance to swing at the pinata, oh and and win some candies. I love this, but everyone's gonna get some candy anyway. So just, I just want you to get some candy. I got a line on some candy. Clearly,

Sarah Burke  34:41  
this is a bachelorette now, kind

Caitlin Green  34:43  
of,

Jann Arden  34:44  
I mean, yeah, but a pinata, I thought would be fun.

Sarah Burke  34:46  
So random. I mean, I approve it.

Caitlin Green  34:49  
I'm fine with a pinata. I'm not mad at a pinata at all. Yeah.

Sarah Burke  34:52  
Do we need to, like, yeah? Now we need to think about, what are we hitting with? Are we bringing baseball bats to Universal Music?

Jann Arden  34:59  
I mean, I think we can just use some kind of a bat. I've

Sarah Burke  35:04  
got one of those. You're the baseball player. Well,

Jann Arden  35:06  
you're in charge of bringing the bat.

Caitlin Green  35:07  
I'll bring it if we veer into bachelorette game territory, though, I fear for us. Do you remember when there? Did you guys ever do the like, pin the macho on the man? Yes. What

Jann Arden  35:16  
does that mean? No wiener on his. Wiener on like a, it's like a this, literally,

Sarah Burke  35:20  
that had that poster. You did same poster. And my friends were all teachers. They were like, You cannot put this on social media. I'm

Caitlin Green  35:27  
wondering if this man gets paid royalties because he's on, he's an adult film star, and he's on all these posters. So I wonder if he gets royalties. You have to watch this part on YouTube. There's you do. Sorry, I'm showing a poster of on my phone, of a man. Listen,

Jann Arden  35:41  
I've seen adult film stars literally doing marketing, like get togethers, evenings, events, marketing events, selling their vaginas. They have a cast like mold vaginas, a mold of the inside and the outside of their labia, their vaginas, and they're selling them in boxes, you know, wrapped in cellophane with fancy How is that a thing?

Caitlin Green  36:06  
It's like fleshlights, right? So it's like a sex object that like men or women? Well, I guess not women, men predominantly, but gay or the hetero would use and it would be like an anatomically correct recreation of their favorite adult film stars anatomy, which is a strange It's a strange thing to want. But I mean, again, I'm not here to kink shame. So you do? You if it's between consenting adults and someone's making a lot of money off it, who am I to judge? These

Jann Arden  36:37  
events are packed and they're officially signing with Sharpie. Yes, they're rubber vaginas. Yeah, well, I

Caitlin Green  36:45  
think they're silicone usually, okay, sorry, I

Jann Arden  36:47  
don't know silicone. People are too horny to live.

Caitlin Green  36:49  
I've said it before. You could quote me on this one, but people are truly too horny to live. And I am not surprised that there are giant lines for this. We

Jann Arden  36:57  
are moving on from this. The most glorious fall foliage in the US isn't New England? Oh, I'm just going to read you a little bit of an article that came out in the Thrillist, and it's about fall colors and fall things that are happening. And it starts out, the woman's name is castelliana. I hope I'm saying that right. Medrano, and is it just us, or does it seem like we're all desperately trying to jump into fall this year? And I kind of agree. I don't know how people suddenly got sick of summer, but she has listed all these great spots. So New England was a spot, and you love New England? I know that you do, and but they've discovered that there are other parts of the country where it's so much better Alaska, for one thing, has never come to my mind for changing fall colors. But apparently, Alaska is absolutely brilliant and Texas. So if there's anybody thinking of going to sea leaves, you have a something called a fall color map. And if you go on to Google or whatever. And you put in fall color map, you're going to come up with stuff that could very well be in your own backyard. You might even be able to zero in on where your favorite fall stuff is. They're

Caitlin Green  38:11  
calling it a leaf peep. A leaf peep. Now that's like the term for people who want to go look at leaves.

Jann Arden  38:17  
This has nothing to do with porn stars, folks. This is we've moved on from the porn stars Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. Okay, great. Fall temperatures, you can drive through the park in your SUV or a motor home with seven of your dearest friends wearing Value Village. Yeah, they have something called the 105 mile Skyline Drive see. Now that sounds like something I could get behind. You could do that in 90 minutes. Go through Virginia. I've never been to Virginia, but that's also up in that kind of new englandy area that you like, Cherokee National Forest, okay, Blue Ridge Parkway, again,

Caitlin Green  38:52  
though, like, I'm not going to the US for my leaf peep. I'm keeping, I'm going to, I'm going to keep it in Ontario. List.

Jann Arden  38:58  
Anything in Canada? Yeah. Aspen, Colorado. Supposed to be fun. Fantastic. Jen,

Sarah Burke  39:03  
have you been up to cottage country in Ontario in the fall? Oh

Jann Arden  39:07  
my gosh. I sang for a wedding up there for a couple of gay fellas, and it was fantastic. We set up a stage. They had a beautiful backyard. You can only imagine how fantastical this place was. And yeah. And we got ready in their boathouse, which was, like, bigger than my house. Their boathouse was massive. And, yeah, we just did a set. We did, like, a one hour set with people dancing with their kids on the lawn. And it was pretty cool.

Caitlin Green  39:33  
Honestly, the fall foliage Hunt is also a really big deal in Ontario, because we have so many great forests and national parks. So it's a whole thing. Any direction you head in, you're going to see it. But obviously there's like the classics, which would be like Muskoka, all in and around Georgian Bay. Prince Edward County has a ton. My favorite is, and always will be, the Eastern Townships of Quebec, where I should damn near live, based on how much I talk about it, even though they probably don't want me there because I don't. French, but whatever.

Sarah Burke  40:01  
Oh say, domage.

Jann Arden  40:02  
Are they friendly with English? Like, do they kind of, are they a bit helpful? It's

Caitlin Green  40:07  
very Anglo, I would say, down there. Like, some of the towns are really small, and they can be quite French, but because of its proximity to the US border, I find that it's quite it is quite Anglo. It's very close to Montreal. It's a big vacation spot for skiing or hiking or lakes or cottages and stuff. So it is that vibe. But overall, though, Quebec has really moved much more in the direction of, like, beat it Anglos in the last little while. So yeah, that

Sarah Burke  40:32  
part sounds like Emily in Paris, but Caitlyn in Quebec. Caitlyn in Quebec, where

Caitlin Green  40:37  
everyone's like, start speaking Frenchie a dumbass, and I don't disagree. No,

Jann Arden  40:40  
I don't disagree either. I think it's I love you guys. Have favorite spots. I love that you sort of acclimate yourselves, and you get into the culture, and you do the art scene, and you do the food and the coffee shops, and you spend money, and you're part of a community, right? I think it's really fantastic to do that. We're going to wrap things up because we are going to go over to Patreon, and we're going to talk about some more stuff. I'm going to leave you with this here. Though, I'm addicted to cucumbers. I've just realized that this is we are still not talking about the porn is over. We're not we've moved on from that. I love a sliced cucumber. I have been making variations on cucumbers. I don't know if you guys have fallen prey to this. It is a tick tock phenomenon. There's a there's a kid in in New York somewhere, that has literally made it very difficult to find long English cucumbers in like on Manhattan. I don't know this kid is. He's perfected a shaken we can blame the Kardashians for shaken salads. He only does cucumbers. I do radishes, onions, peas, like frozen peas that I blanch, I cool down, I put them in there, and then the dressing is peanut butter, soy sauce, sesame seed oil, salt and pepper, chili flakes and rice wine vinegar, and you dump it in there, I'm drooling. I cannot. Yesterday, I went to bray Creek before we say goodbye, and I bought every one of their cucumbers, and the woman at the checkout was actually mad. She goes, is that all the cucumbers? I said, Well, there's still some mini ones there. And she just was like, ah. And I felt bad. And then part of me wanted to, like, trail back with one English cucumber and set it back on the fake green grass where the minister was coming on, and I didn't. I just took my fucking bag. And there might have been eight, like, it's not like I took 40. I want to just be very clear here,

Caitlin Green  42:35  
but they just didn't. They didn't have cukes to spare, and you just so that's fine. That's

Sarah Burke  42:39  
what's happening. That's our show for the day. Do you want to hear some voice notes before we go, oh my god, let's

Unknown Speaker  42:44  
do I love a voice note. Okay,

Jann Arden  42:45  
let's do a quick Voice Note, or two or three. And I'm so sorry that I didn't realize that this is how we're finishing the show. This is our thing. Go first

Sarah Burke  42:52  
up. Kathy,

Speaker 2  42:53  
Hi ladies. I'm a long time fan, and I've enjoyed listening to Jan on dnto, the business of life, and the current Jan Arden podcast, sometimes I feel like I know you, Janice, our lives are very similar in many ways, even if I am two years older. I've heard you mention Howick jeans in a few different podcasts, and it took me right back to 1976 and all the fun I had in those bell bottoms. Another thing we share is celebrating our lady friends. As I've lived in the same village for almost 65 years, I have many friends that I've known since birth, and a few months ago, I realized just how many times I've said, oh, we need to get together for lunch. Cathy, and it never happens. So I organized a ladies luncheon at one of our local establishments. So last month, we had over 20 of us there, and also four dogs, and I addressed the gathering just by letting them all know how important each and every one of them are to me. I also promise that we'll do it again, which we've already planned. I was lucky enough to score two tickets through patreon to your live podcast on october 1. I'm taking one of my girlfriends, and we really can't wait. We're so excited. So keep up the great work, ladies, you really know how to make your podcast feel like a therapy session, but not a therapy session. Thank you very much. Totally do Kathy, that'll be $120

Sarah Burke  44:19  
she wears her bell bottoms to the event. I

Jann Arden  44:21  
love it. Oh, that's great. Kathy, she's supporting

Caitlin Green  44:24  
women in the arts, and she is a woman in the arts now. So love that. Okay,

Sarah Burke  44:27  
here's a couple more. And by the way, if you're one of our only Jans on Patreon, part of your $5 a month is like we're guaranteeing Patreon. Shout out. So here's one of those.

Speaker 3  44:38  
Hi Jan. Hi Caitlin, Hi Sarah, hi, it's only Jan Matia from Prince George British Columbia, and I just wanted to pop on real quick and leave a voice note about intimacy and bodily functions. My Ron and I have been together for 23 married for 21 and I pretty much started letting it go from the town, oddly enough. And I would say to him, it deepens our intimacy. And you know how much I love you when I'm just comfortable to be able to do this. And I truly do believe that, so whether it's vaginal farts or bunk farts or peeing, but I do say I leave it at that pooping is like next level for me, but whatever floats your boat, I'm I also wanted to add Jen, I think that you should get yourself a GoPro when you're doing your digs, and then we can all watch those adventures. I'm gonna add that. I just think you guys, you girls, are amazing and uplifting and fun and all those wonderful things and just keep doing what you're doing, and can't wait to one day see you live in action. Yes, you will for now. Thank

Jann Arden  45:49  
you so much. Hi, Jan.

Speaker 4  45:50  
It's Brenda calling here from Milton, Ontario, and I want to say thank you so much for giving Billy Ann one of our local recording artists, you had her open up for you last summer, I believe in Massey Hall, and I wanted to give a great shout out to you for thinking of her and lifting her up and building her confidence. She's an amazing young lady, and we're so proud of her and just thank you for everything you do. Billy

Jann Arden  46:22  
Ann's fantastic. Go follow her on Instagram. Tiktok, she's an amazing young singer. I think she's 20 years old now. And yeah, I discovered her on social media, and I had her come down to Massey Hall and sing song. But Billy Ann, just the way it sounds, B, I, L, L, I, E, A N, N, E, I believe. Or maybe there's no E on the end of Billy Ann, but you'll find her there's only one Billy Ann on there. Hi,

Speaker 5  46:44  
Jan, Sarah and Caitlin. My name is Rebecca Brown, and I'm calling in from Southern Ontario. I wanted to thank you, Jan for all your passion and hard work on the horseshit campaign. I'm a therapist with an additional certification in Equine Assisted Therapy, so one day a week, I'm at a stable providing therapy, usually heavy trauma therapy, with horses at the center of our session. I honestly believe that horses heal humans. Horses shouldn't feed humans. I followed your campaign for years, signed the petition posted on social media. I've even got the horseshit sweatshirt. I wish I could be at your event in Vancouver, but I'll be at the Word and Word on the Street Book Festival on September 28 and 29th in Toronto. And like many of your podcast listeners, I wanted to say how much I love and appreciate all of you. Keep doing what you're doing. You make us think, you make us laugh, you make us cry, and it all matters. So on behalf of my horse dolly and all the horses who deserve respect and dignity. Thank you. And totally do. Oh, Jesus,

Caitlin Green  47:45  
I know Rebecca brownie, I love that

Jann Arden  47:50  
equine therapy. Yeah, it's your next

Sarah Burke  47:55  
career.

Caitlin Green  47:55  
I know what important work though, truly like it's really nice to help people.

Jann Arden  47:59  
Oh my gosh, there's just so many things. Listen, we're gonna leave it there. What a great, positive message. Thank you for your voice voice notes. Please keep leaving them. You can go to Jarden pod.com it's really easy. You'll see a little microphone icon, and you can just click on it and start talking. And don't even worry about it. If you got if you feel like you're rambling on, Sarah's great at editing.

Caitlin Green  48:18  
We'll just cut you off. Don't

Unknown Speaker  48:19  
worry about it. She won't cut

Jann Arden  48:21  
you off, but she'll, she'll certainly give you a hand. If you're feel like you need to start over.

Sarah Burke  48:26  
I can edit these two. I can edit anyone. I'm joking, hey, just because we're long winded, edit

Jann Arden  48:33  
out that right off. Listen, come see us at Patreon. We're going to talk about whatever the hell Sarah's got going, those ladies things, stuff, but yeah, you don't want to miss that pinata. Sign up for Patreon. We need your support so much to help keep making this podcast. And yeah, we just we love you and we'll see you next time. We're on all your favorite podcasting platforms, we're easy to find. We'll see you next time, too. We do